by Pam McClure, Director, Frazer Center Child Development Program

A very special aspect of the Frazer Center is our commitment to inclusivity. The benefits of inclusion are many. Students in an inclusive early childhood educational environment learn the rewarding power of embracing all people, regardless of ability level or background. Children with disabilities in inclusive programs achieve better learning and behavioral outcomes than those served in non-inclusive programs, and children without disabilities gain a number of benefits from an inclusive setting, including social skills, tolerance, and patience.

Frazer Center mirrors the world around us, with children and adults who are all unique. We look different, learn differently, and have different skills and challenges. As children get older, they notice these differences. How we respond to their questions and actions is likely to affect the way a child thinks about disabilities, and how they treat others as they grow up.

Here are a few tips to help guide our conversations with children.

1. Address your child’s curiosity

Kids are naturally curious, so when they see someone with a disability or difference, their first instinct is to ask about it. If you see your child staring at someone with a disability or difference, take the lead and start a conversation. A short and matter-of-fact description will answer your child’s questions while showing him/her that it is o.k. to notice that we are all different.

For example, if you see a child in a wheelchair, you can say to your child, “I see you looking at that little girl in the wheelchair, and you might be wondering why she needs it. Some people’s muscles work a little differently, and her wheelchair helps her move around, just like your legs help you.”

2. Keep your explanations positive and respectful, and use person-first language

Children are like sponges and absorb everything they hear. When talking about someone with a disability or difference, remember that words can actually hurt. So, it’s important not to use terminology that would make someone feel left out, or imply that they are “less than” anyone else. Avoid using derogatory terms, and talk about disabilities and differences in positive terms.

When a child sees someone in a wheelchair, rather than saying, “That person’s legs don’t work, so he needs a wheelchair,” say, “That wheelchair helps that person move around, just like your legs help you move around.” Other examples include: glasses enable sight, hearing aids enable hearing, sign language enables communication, and various braces and casts enable movement. Explain that hearing aids help others hear and wheelchairs help others move around, instead of using a negative connotation (he can’t hear, she can’t walk, etc.).

Don’t use a disability as a way to describe an individual.  Person-first language puts the person before the disability. For example, instead of saying “autistic child,” it’s better to say “a child on the autism spectrum.”

3.   Emphasize similarities and create commonality

It’s important that children learn that people with a disability or difference are still the same in a lot of ways—they have feelings, like to have fun, love their family, and have a favorite sport. Take care to separate the person from his/her disability by talking to your child about how your child and the person with the disability are similar.

For example, maybe your child has a classmate who has Down Syndrome, and they both love to watch cartoons and go swimming. Perhaps they are the same age, or maybe they both have a pet fish. Talking about similarities will show your child that having a disability or difference does not define a person, much like your child’s physical characteristics don’t define him/her.

Talk about disability in a way that creates commonality. Even when the differences aren’t physical, kids tend to pick up on them. But just as with physical disabilities, parents can set a tone of reciprocity through the way we talk about social/emotional and behavioral challenges.

For example, William came home from preschool and told his mom that his friend Ashley screamed a lot in school. Mom knew that this friend had behavioral challenges. Instead of saying, “She can’t help it, honey,” and asking him to tolerate her behavior, mom talked with him about what his friend was good at (“running around”) and what was hard for her (“listening”). Then mom talked about what he was good at (“listening”) and what was hard for him (“coloring”).

Then they talked about how they could help each other. Instead of focusing on her challenges, they were able to identify their commonality as human beings who both had challenges and both had strengths. These conversations invite reciprocity and relationship rather than division and pity.

4.  Teach Understanding and Empathy

Children are all similar in many ways, and they are also all different in their own ways. Instead of simply telling your child that a person with a disability or difference can’t do something, talk about that individual’s strengths, too. Teach your child to look for strengths instead of just focusing on weaknesses. It’s important for children to learn that just because someone can’t do something or struggles in one area, it doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t excel in other areas.

Ask your child, “How would you feel in somebody else’s shoes? How would you want to be treated?” And then teach your child to treat others the same way. Learning empathy early on is an important life lesson.

For example, if your child has a classmate who is hearing-impaired, instead of focusing on the fact that the classmate can’t hear, ask what the classmate is good at (coloring? running?), and then talk to your child about his/her own strengths and difficulties. Help your child see that all humans have their own strengths and weaknesses and that we should help others just as we should want others to help us in areas which we struggle.

If you would like to add to your children’s book collection at home, here are a few of the books that we use in the classroom, to help reinforce the guidelines listed above.

• Susan Laughs by Jeanne Willis, Tony Ross (Illustrator)
• Don’t Call Me Special by Pat Thomas
• How Full is your Bucket? For Kids by Tom Rath & Mary Reckmeyer, Maurie J. Manning (Illustrator)
• The Family Book by Todd Parr
• My Brother Charlie by Holly Robinson Peete & Ryan Elizabeth Peete, Shane W. Evans (Illustrator)
• I’m Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem by Jamie Lee  Curtis, Laura Cornell (Illustrator)
• All Bears Need Love by Tayna Valentine, Adam Taylor (Illustrator)
• I Like Berries, Do You? by Marjorie W. Pitzer
• Me and You by Geneviève Côté
• No Two Alike by Keith Baker
• Can I Play Too? by Mo Willems